The Toilet Hollow
by Le Queen of Morons
Summary: Quincies have distinct obstacles when it comes to toilet training their children.


Ryuuken sighed in exasperation and peered down at the young boy taking refuge behind his leg.

His son had always been a handful for him. Since the boy had been born, the surgeon had felt an unease he was hard-pressed to explain. He was convinced that it went far beyond the ordinary anxiety most first time fathers felt. His infant son had screamed bloody murder every time he was in his father's arms. The babe would quiet only when taken by his mother or grandfather. For all intents and purposes, Uryuu was born into the world with a distinct dislike for the man who had sired him.

Unfortunately, his mother had passed before the boy was a full year into life. A grief ravaged Ryuuken was left with the daunting task of raising an infant without a mother.

Thank god for his own infuriating father. The child spent most of his waking hours in the elderly Quincy's care while Ryuuken furthered his career of saving the lives of the living and made a living for the small family. Uryuu came home for the nights, however. There was always the obligation of fatherhood to attend to.

That evening, the boy had been showing curiosity about the bathroom during the normal bedtime routine – the toilet in particular.

Ryuuken figured it was about time for the boy to transition from diapers, so he took it upon himself to show the boy the flush. It had not gone quite the way he had hoped. As soon as the unique sound of water rushing into the plumbing had filled the air, the boy had shrieked and scrambled behind the column of his father's leg.

"Uryuu," the exasperated doctor said as he knelt in front of his terrified son. "What on Earth is wrong?"

Tiny fingers knotted in the soft fabric of his pajama top. "Hollow." Wide, sky-blue eyes teared up as they peered into his father's icy counterparts.

Ryuuken blinked. "A hollow? Where?"

One trembling hand left its anchor of fabric and pointed at the offending porcelain beast.

For a moment, the tired doctor couldn't quite comprehend what his boy was telling him. Then suspicion dawned. "Where did you hear about Hollows, son?"

"Grandfather," came the soft reply. A small sniffle sounded, and the shy gaze shifted away, as if Uryuu had just shared a great secret that he wasn't supposed to.

Ryuuken clenched his jaw. He would need to have a chat with his father soon. Now, however, more pressing matters were at hand. "And you think there is a Hollow in the toilet."

Uryuu whimpered and nodded.

_Honestly._

"There's no hollow there." He picked up the boy and stood, propping the child on one slender hip. "Let me show you."

"NO! Don't feed me to it!" Pudgy hands pushed at his chest as the tiny body squirmed in his arms.

"Uryuu!" The utterance wasn't precisely a yell. Ryuuken didn't yell. His sharp tone, however, was far worse than any shout could be.

The boy stilled instantly and looked fearfully at him. "Y-yes, father?"

"Look." He pointed at the commode. "Where is the hollow?"

Uryuu squinted. His small lips turned down in a slight frown as delicate brows furrowed in concentration. "Is it…there?" He pointed at the bowl, no doubt meaning the hole the water swirled into.

Ryuuken sighed and pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose. "…that hollow can't hurt you."

A note of indignant defiance lifted the round chin. "Then why did it howl at us?"

"That's the noise it makes when the water goes down." A slender hand rested on the lever. "Watch." He pushed.

Uryuu screamed again and pressed his face into his father's shirt.

The man winced. His son did have a strong set of lungs from day one. "Stop hiding." He pulled the boy away from his chest and pointed at the swirling liquid as he resettled the child on his hip again.

"It…it's eating the water." The high voice was no longer thick with tears. Replacing that fear was the child's natural curiosity. "Oh! It's coming back."

Ryuuken braced a hand against the little one's delicate ribcage as Uryuu leaned over for a closer look.

_Finally._

"Why does it do that?" Uryuu asked ponderously and fixed his father with a contemplative look.

"Because that's where what you do in your diaper goes."

The child's pause allowed for the bright eyes to widen in horror, and the small mouth to open in disgust. A moment later, the boy shook his head decisively. "No. The toilet hollow only eats water. It doesn't like poopie."

Ryuuken pinched the bridge of his nose.

Where was Souken when he needed him?


End file.
